Visit with B: Day 5

Yesterday there was discussion about Dean and I visiting the school B attends. Since this discussion took place in a mix of Serbian and English there was lots of potential for information to be misunderstood. (or just plain forgotten since we were discussing several topics at once! LOL) When it was time to arrange our ride for today, Dean said that was today and I said it was tomorrow. So, today when we arrived for our visit there were LOTS of kids and caregivers out on the playground, and one of the staff said that B looked around quite confused that we weren't out there, and then was brought back inside, which he wasn't happy about.

We found him up on his floor but in a different room. He came to us right away, and I asked to speak with the social worker or psychologists about the school visit. In the meantime, we didn't want to take him outside for his snack since there were a lot of kids out there, so we went up to the 2nd floor to use the playroom up there.

Problem: We changed the routine.

B was not AT ALL happy that we were changing things up. He pointed to the elevator, signing "Eat!!!" as hard as he could. We did, indeed get on the elevator, but when we tried to get off on another floor, not the one that leads to outside, he was NOT going to get out of the elevator. I pointed to the bag, "Eat." I signed, "Ide." and put out my hand. He shook his head no and dug in his heels. "Ide" I said,  bit more insistently. Finally he came along. He was not happy to be walking down the hallway to the playroom so I reached into the bag and showed him the water bottle was in there. Talk about dangling a carrot!

Once in the playroom, some staff who remembered Asher came running to see the photo book I have along, so Dean worked on snack with B while I kept tabs on my book. When I came back to the room they were done with the pudding, which B loved, and were trying some cheerios. He chewed a few using his front teeth, but his mouth looks incredibly sore (his gums bleed constantly without any stimulation. Poor baby!) so I'm not really surprised he didn't want to chew with his back teeth. After a few he started spitting them out so we moved on to the juice.

As for the rest of the visit, it was spent not letting him kick over the table, not letting him hit, not letting him kick (us or anything else) and with him spending a lot of time sitting on the floor crying. Pretty much a repeat of our 1st and 2nd visit. But, we're not dismayed. I think tomorrow's visit will be spent back in that very same room. Maybe. We'll see how much energy we have tomorrow. LOL

Today I was having trouble seeing what he needed. I mean, yes we changed the routine so he didn't know what to expect from us, but other than that I just wasn't able to see and understand what he was trying to tell us with his actions other than the attention seeking stuff. I didn't know the best way to handle him today. I guess I didn't bring my "A" game! LOL

Oh, he did soak through his diaper so we brought him back to his caregivers for a diaper change. Or should I say double diaper change? They put two disposable diapers on the kids. You know, better to spend a ton of money on diapers than to potty train them, right? We were able to see that the small spots of vitiligo he has really cover large portions of his body. Yeah...we'll be getting that thyroid thoroughly checked out when we get home. Both Axel and Asher came home from Serbia with very low iodine levels (which affects thyroid function). Vitiligo is an autoimmune disease, yet I would venture to guess more than half the kids here have vitiligo. Also, we've seen that his tonsils are huge so they will need to come out. Looks like we'll be doing lots of things under anesthesia: Teeth cleaning/removal (he has two rows of teeth) tonsils and probably adenoid removal, ABR (hearing test) though I suspect his hearing is fine we'll get it checked anyway as long as he's out! That's all I can see up to this point that would need to be addressed with a trip to the O.R.

Visit with B: Day 4

God smiled upon us today.

We have a routine now, and B is able to predict what will happen. This makes a HUGE difference in the process of getting to know one another. He is able to learn to predict our movements and us his. We can slowly introduce new signs, as well as tiny stressors to push his abilities a bit further. Every new, successful experience is one step closer to home.

When we arrived for the morning visit, B was in his group's room. He saw us through the windows and ran to his caregiver. "Eat!!!" he signed with desperation. Tapping his chin as hard as he could with the sign. "EAT! EAT!" pointing to us through the window. She let him out the door and he came running to me with the bag. "Eat!" he signed, pointing to the bag. "More eat! Eat!"

"Da!" I replied. "Soon eat." I pointed to the shoes on his feet, then to the outdoor shoes on the rack. He plopped his butt on the floor, crying tears as he changed his shoes as quickly as he could. He cried when the caregiver asked me if I wanted a jacket for him. I slipped it on his arms, signing and saying "zzzzip!" as I zipped it up. He imitated the sign and smiled big.

I offered my hand for him to take, but he shook his head no and dug in his heels, as if to say, "No. Wait. I want to go on my terms."  I dropped my hand to my side and waited just a couple seconds. "Ide" ("come" in Serbian) and offered my hand again, which he took willingly. He smiled and giggled as we walked to the elevator. Papa had the bag by this time, and B kept checking to make sure papa...and that bag of food...were coming along.

We got downstairs and out the front door when I discovered a problem I hadn't anticipated. There were other children and caregivers sitting at the picnic tables. While there was plenty of room for us, we couldn't feed him in front of the other children. B went straight to the tables and took a seat while I quickly scanned the playground. Behind some bushes is another small area with a low railing Dean and I could sit on. "Ide" I said to B, holding out my hand for him to come along. He shook his head in refusal. That is not the routine. The routine is to sit at THESE tables and eat. I pointed to the bag, "Eat" I signed, "Ide". Again he shook his head no.

I told Dean, "Lets just walk. I think he'll come along." and that is exactly what happened. He didn't let us get more than a few feet away before joining us, although he was a bit wary. We sat down on the railing and I took the first item out of the bag. "Yogurt" I signed, and he immediately imitated. I gave him a bite and he got a huge grin on  his face and giggled a bit. "More eat!" he signed. We went through the yogurt and juice, him signing unprompted for everything. These are signs that are now solidified in his mind. He uses them with the caregivers and they are encouraging this new step.

When snack was gone we put the empty items back into the bag. "All done." we signed, and he giggled as he repeated the sign and turned toward the playground. He now understands that "all done" means the eating is done and now it's time to play.

The previous two days, any time he gets within reach of the ride-on toys he has picked them up and thrown them. Yesterday he didn't, but only because I was standing right there to grab them before the throwing motion. Today he went to pick up items, but I pointed back to the ground and he (mostly) set them down gently, smiling when I praised him with "Bravo!"

B slid down the slides and wandered around from playhouse to playhouse. We joined him inside the tiny spaces which he seemed to enjoy.

Since the first day I have made an attempt to have him walk with me, nicely, all the way around the play area. Today I held out my hand, "Ide". B stubbornly shook his head, so I turned away from I'm and started walking away. I went about 15 feet then turned and, without moving toward him, offered my hand again. "Ide". B ran to catch up to me, taking my hand and giggling a bit as I told him "Bravo".   We went about 30 feet when he dug in his heels. I immediately stopped. No eye contact, I simply held out my hand until he was ready to move forward with me again. Then we did it!!! We did it!!!!  We finally walked all the way around that play area. It is maybe 200 feet total, but we this was 200 feet further than he has ever walked with me before.

It was time to go inside for lunch. "Ide" I said, and pointed up to the building. B took my hand and walked with me to the front doors. Then he saw them. The buses. All his friends were getting off the busses from school. He wanted to be with them. He sat down on the ground, refusing to move, unless...of course...he could scoot himself over to the buses. ;-) I used my body to block his path without making an attempt to put my hands on him, and without blocking his view of the buses.  He needed to see this. He needed to see that his friends were going inside for lunch and the buses were leaving. It would have been pointless to try getting him to leave with us until the buses were gone. When the buses pulled away we waved, "Ciao! Ciao!" I held out my hand, hoping he was ready to move forward again. He stood up then, taking my hand, pointed up to the building. "Eat" he signed. Together he walked up the steps and in the door, when he stooped again. He pointed through the windows in the direction the busses had gone. "Ciao!" I said. That was the end of our problems getting inside.

We watched him eat his lunch (mashed potatoes with hamburger-type gravy) as he cried tears periodically through his meal. Dean and I made the observation that he doesn't really cry with us anymore, but he is certainly crying a lot with the caregivers. We can only guess at which of the many possibilities are the reason for this. All we know is it is progress, and we will take it.

Later, at our afternoon visit, B learned two more signs. "Mama" and "Papa". I don't know if they have meaning for him yet, but he certainly knows WHEN to do them. It was the end of the day and he had already had his snack with us. We were trying to kill the last few minutes of our time when we sat down at the picnic tables, curious to see if B would repeat a game he had started with us at the morning visit. First backing up to my lap where I would gently squeeze and rock  him while softly singing in his ear, then after just a few seconds repeating the steps with Papa. But this time I added a step. Before he sat in my lap I turned him to me "Watch" I said, "Mama" I signed. As soon as he repeated the sign I let him sit on my lap.

A few seconds later he moved to Dean. "Watch" Dean said, then signed "Papa", having B imitate the sign before letting him sit on his lap. By the 3rd or 4th time B understood our game. He came to me, signed "Mama" at which time I said "Bravo!" and pulled him into me for our quick cuddle, and he giggled every time.

(and don't I look nice and crabby on this video? Good grief.)


What a blessing today was, for all of us. Please continue to pray for the process here. There is a government shut down looming, making it imperative that every step of our process that is to happen this week must be done at precisely the right time for us to be completed before the shut down. If we don't finish in time, Dean will go home without me while I will be stuck here an additional three weeks longer than necessary.

Today

Today I went looking for them.

Looking for the children I first met three years ago. Children who climbed all over me, fighting for my attention, for hugs, for my touch. They smiled. Despite their circumstances they were happy because they knew no different. Full of life, all of them.

Today I went looking for them.

They are gone.

Their bodies are there, skeleton thin. The eyes I remember are still there. But the children...their spirits...are gone. They have given up on the world and are now disconnected from it. From us. From me. Their eyes have gone vacant. They look at me without seeing me, instead seeing something in the world they have created for themselves in their mind. A place better than the hell in which they live.

Today I went looking for them.

Today I can stop wondering.

I don't need to look anymore.

Day 3: Pt 2

Today, as we stood in the entry of the institution, Dean and I prayed. We prayed for insight into what B was needing when he displayed various behaviors. We prayed to see things from his perspective. We prayed for our own patience. We prayed for wisdom. We prayed that B would feel our love.

And then we went in.

We arrived about 30 minutes before snack time. The kids were already agitated and hungry. As we predicted he cried when he saw us, worried that he would not get to eat.

I hate that these kids are so obsessed with food. The kind of obsession that comes with chronic hunger. When you see the children you know why. They are stick thin. B feels quite solid, but he's also wearing several layers of clothes. This time I will remember to take pictures when we get custody of him. I didn't with Asher, and he was so painfully thin.

I signed "eat" to him, and tapped the bag we had along. He immediately lunged for the bag, signing "eat" just like he did yesterday. Then he cried, sobbing tears, when this caregiver told him to change to his outside shoes. Oh how he cried. I understood, he was so hungry and so worried he would not get food. I signed "eat" again, and pointed to the elevator. Finally he changed his shoes and put on his jacket. He got on the elevator nicely, and walked so nicely outside with us. I turned to say something to Dean and B tugged on my hand, pointing anxiously at the picnic table where we sat yesterday while he snacked.

"Yes!" I said, signing "eat" and pointing to the table as we continued to walk. B ran ahead and sat in the same place as yesterday. This will be our routine now. Predictable for him. Safe.

Today's snack was watered down juice ( the kids here are chronically dehydrated. Fewer diapers that way.) a fruit pouch and a banana. I've been told he doesn't chew so wanted to see what he did with small bites of soft food. He'll probably have more fruit this week than he's had in his entire life and I realize we may suffer some gastrointestinal consequences of this. I posted video in my previous post. He did SO WELL with his signing. Laughing excitedly when it got him what he wanted. Later the caregivers told us he's signing for them now too, and they seem both proud and amazed he is learning so quickly. The caregivers we have met so far are encouraging him as well. As I suspected he is not able to take bites of the banana, at least not safely. This is partly because he's starving and wants to just shove it all in. We can work on bite size later when he's not so hungry. After a few bites I just broke pieces off and put them into his teeth to see he he would chew. Like Asher, he very quickly moved it to his palate and swallowed. (but it didn't pack in his palate like Asher would do.)

When snack with us was done we went back inside for THEIR snack. It sure wasn't going to hurt him to have two snacks, and I wanted to see what he did with their food. When we arrived on his floor we were greeting by the social worker who would observe our visit and submit her report tomorrow.

B couldn't believe he was getting to eat again! Again, he cried sobbing tears as the caregiver put his bib on. He was given a cup of clear broth with very large (whole) crackers dropped into the cup. He sat down with his food, but this time didn't inhale it. He lifted the cup to drink the broth, expertly using the spoon to hold the crackers out of the way. When the broth was gone he put the cup down, using the spoon to smash up the mushy crackers into paste, then eating them. He was the last one done because he wasn't rushing like everyone else. ;-) Then he was given a couple of wafer cookies. The caregiver handed it to him, which I thought was interesting since he doesn't chew. Yeah, well he's pretty smart. He handed to me and indicated I should break it up. I broke a piece off and put it in his molars and he chewed a tiny bit. The next bite I put BARELY in his front teeth. He used his lips to pull it into his mouth, chewing a little bit with his front teeth before swallowing.

By the time his snack was done, he was FULL! I bet he's never felt full in his entire life. Now much more calm, we decided to go back outside. He walked with us nicely! He went down one of the little kid slides, again using the sign for "more" each time he was going to climb up the ladder. I did something else today. Whenever he showed attention seeking behavior, like licking the slide, or the ground, or the basketball hoop, I just didn't respond. But, when he did what was appropriate, he got lots of "Bravo!" for praise. He stopped doing those things.

The social worker was still observing all of this, so I spent a lot of time thanking God under my breath that today was not a repeat of yesterday. When he looked like he was going to throw a giant toy (again, attention seeking) I showed him how to put it down "nice" (signing it) and he didn't throw anything. He tried lots of different ride-on toys, testing us to see what we would/would not allow him to play with or sit on, but he wasn't inappropriate.

When it was time to go back inside I told him "come" (signed while saying it in Serbia) He took my hand and walked nicely until he realized WHERE we were going. He sat himself down on the ground, refusing to move. That's ok! Out came my canine-training techniques. He was not allowed to let go of my hand, but as long as he was sitting on the ground we would  not move forward NOR would he get any attention from me. No eye contact, no pulling on him or begging. After a few seconds he stood up and started walking with me. We went about 10 feet and he sat back down. This is the lather, rinse, repeat part of retraining. He has to try each thing several times to see if I respond the same way I did the time before. Consistency. Consistency makes thins predictable so he will know what my response will be. We repeated this little exchange three times before he had it figured out. He walked the rest of the way inside, up the elevator and back to his group without anymore problems.

He changed his shoes, put his jacket away, then went in to wash his hands...and took a bite out of the bar of soap. Why? Because that is what gets him attention from the caregivers, and yes they come running! Hands all over him to get the soap out of his mouth, etc. Attention, attention, attention. This is one of those "maladaptive" behaviors that isn't really maladaptive in my eyes. It's a survival skill. Something he has developed to get attention he is so severely lacking. Now I will just have to figure out how to act proactively with this at home. I think the brothers and sister will be helping me with some role play. That and we use liquid soap at home. Yes, he will lick it off his hand. No, it won't kill him in small quantities. No, he won't get ANY reaction from me when he does it, but HIGH PRAISE when he washes his hands nicely.

We left this visit feeling so much better than we did yesterday. He was able to sit with us for quite some time (as long as we kept the food coming!) and he did calm down once his tummy was full. We're praying tomorrow goes just as well, but are also prepared for a backlash. It might have gone too well, and B might try some new tricks. ;-)

Day 3: Pt 1

Two part post today. I know you only come here for the pictures or video, so I'll get those up, then take a much-needed nap before writing out all the details.

Now, here's an awesome video. He is using two signs together!!!
(sorry for my very "intense" face. I am constantly at the ready for him to lunge at something or smack things out of my hands!


And, these signs have MEANING to him. We went inside where it was snack time (Yay! More food!) and he signed "more" when his food was gone. "eat" because he wanted more of the snack, and "drink" when he wanted his cup of water. This was completely unprompted!!! He is already learning signs faster than Axel did. His method of communication is WELL established from his years in the institution, we have only given him NEW signs that will be understood by us as well as others when we get him home. 

Day 2 visit

Here's a summary of today's visit.

Oh the tears! Not from us, but from B. Oh my word does this child cry easily. Children do what works for them, and if crying works to get what they want, then that is what they do. Clearly the water works have been successful for him, because he can turn them on and off at at will. 

When we arrived he was eating his snack. A clear broth with bread soaked in it. He cried when he saw us because he thought his food would get taken away. When he realized he could still eat we were able to see HOW he eats. (this info is for our feeding and speech therapists. ;-) He closes his lips on the spoon, but does have a tongue thrust when swallowing. I have seen him do some great lateral movements with his tongue. (he licks food off the corners of his mouth.) His tongue is in when he's drinking and is not sticking out inside the cup. He is able to drink thin liquids (we've seen water and juice) without any problems. 

When the caregiver told him he was going outside he cried. It was not part of his routine and he likes routine. When she told him to wash his hands he cried for 1/10 of a second then did it. When she told him to change his shoes he cried for 1/10 of a second then did it. (removed inside shoes, put on outside shoes, all independently) When she told him to get a jacket he cried for just one second but still did it. He went with us nicely to the elevator and I had high hopes. 

Apparently too high.

When we got out to the playground he wanted to see what was in the bag. Knowing he likes to drink, I had a sport bottle of juice. I gave him a few sips and he signed "more" right away. He did this twice, then the third time he put his hand on the bottom off the bottle so I couldn't take it away. LOL When the juice was all gone I had a pouch of pureed fruit. He was able to suck from the top like a straw without any problem at all. Here's a quick video. At first he didn't want to sign "more" like he knows is what we want. He wanted to do it HIS way but I didn't respond. Darn! Then he quickly signed  "more" spontaneously while also attempting to say it, then imitating "all done" and attempting to say it making two syllable sounds like I did. 

That was the best 5 minutes of the visit. The rest of the time was spent with him crying because he couldn't do what he wanted. When he is not crying he is throwing toys. And then he is crying because we won't let him throw the toys. I'm not talking small toys, I'm talking about big ride-on toys like the rocking boats and similar things that are on the playground. 

After 90 minutes of this both he and we were exhausted. We only have a very short time to get his behavior turned around so we can bring him into the airports to get him home. That means we have to start out from the very first moments letting him know that this is not acceptable behavior. We won't tolerate it. We can have great fun, but only when the behavior is good. After today I am going to guess that when he sees us again tomorrow he's not going to be very excited! He will cry...again. Today when we brought him back to the caregivers I explained that he cried the entire time and was tired. They nodded "he is always crying." When I described the behavior we'd seen they nodded, "He is a bad boy always." they said. I replied "But he is very smart! He catches on quickly, this is just very difficult for him." and they agreed. I asked if the social worker was around. I wanted to talk with her about getting custody of him as soon as possible. The institution he associates with all the behavior he has been allowed to get away with for 10 years. Getting out of there, into a new environment he is unfamiliar with will help him learn what is expected of him. 

Honestly it is very difficult to see the real little boy behind all the behaviors. We get glimpses like in the video above. He is a very intelligent little boy, which is exactly why he's behaving the way he is. He has good problem solving skills, so he knows how to get whatever he wants. 

Some more about B

Last night I slept the entire night. (with the help of a little pill. ;-) I slept from 11:00 - 9:00. Lucky for Dean, he was awake for the day at 3:00 a.m.  We met B and came home to take a much-needed nap before we met friends for dinner. It was only about an hour long nap and we both slept hard.

When we came home from dinner Dean fell asleep on the couch for an hour while we waited to Skype with the kids. I was really tempted to sleep but knew I'd have a problem if I did so I chatted with friends instead. Just before we skyped with the kids I took my little helper pill again.

The helper is not helping.

I dozed off for about 20 minutes and am now wide awake! Fortunately we don't have much going on tomorrow, and won't go visit B until the afternoon so I'll have time to nap if needed.

So...on to information about B. Just some observations we made during our first visit.

Size: He is wearing size 5 clothes, but will very quickly be into 6's. He is about the same size as Asher, but a bit more solid. He is underweight, so I expect he will shoot up very quickly!

I was able to ask about his eating (and hopefully tomorrow we will get to watch him with our own eyes.) He is fed only pureed foods and does not chew.

........sigh........

We will be able to teach him to chew, I have no doubt, as his oral motor skills are significantly more developed than Asher's were when we adopted him, but it's going to be work. I'm ready for it, I was just hoping it wouldn't be one of his issues. I suspect there is also a behavior component involved, because when he doesn't want to do something...yeah...he's not gonna do it!

We were told he had an ASD (that's an atrial-septal defect of the heart for those who are unfamiliar. It is a very common heart defect among kids with DS) but that it resolved on it's own. Angela had the same defect and hers was self-resolved as well. He does have a problem with the mitral valve which we'll be checking out as soon as we get home. He has some chronic respiratory problems, ear infections with fluid, etc. that are also common to our kids. He seems to hear but, as with all my kids, he'll have an ABR (hearing test) done at the same time he gets his teeth cleaned and examined.  ;-)

We were told prior to adoption that he was "half" potty trained. We assumed this meant trained during the day, but not at night. Ummm no. He is in diapers full-time. Again, I think this comes down to exposure, and we'll be working on potty training right away. He is a very smart little boy and we are going to pray he takes to this new skill quickly. We shall see!

Have I mentioned he is like Stretch Armstrong morphed with the Incredible Hulk? Tomorrow Dean and I will go through the apartment we're in and move all breakable objects to safer locations: very high or behind locked doors.

I don't really know what his true activity level is like because he was very overstimulated by this visit. Keep in mind it was us along with about 10 other people who were observing the visit, not to mention we were people coming in talking crazy talk (English, which obviously he doesn't understand) and yet we were gesturing to him. That is a lot to take in for one little boy over the course of an hour! If you ever wonder what a foreign adopted orphan feels like with the language change, to to Netflix and watch a foreign film without captions, and you'll have a good general idea. He did eventually have a seat by the wall, and it was clear he was tired from the visit, and done with the crazy talk people. Our visits from now on will be three hours long. We will be praying for nice weather so we can get him outside to move, run and play!

We were told he is able to dress and undress himself. When our visit was done I helped him put on his high-top shoe. They had a zipper from the arch to the top of the shoe, with a TINY zipper tab. The caregiver told me he was able to do it himself. He did his "but I don't wanna" look at he and I told him "Your turn" and pointed to the shoe. He put it on without any trouble at all, and zipped that tiny zipper. As little as it was I'm curious to find out if he is able to do buttons and snaps!

I was chatting with someone earlier tonight, and she asked if he felt like he was "mine". Neither Axel nor Asher felt like they were "mine" the first time I met them. With Axel it took a few months of us being together before I could say he felt like my son. With Asher, who was much more dependent upon us for every need (more like a 6 month old baby) our bond formed much more quickly. Within a matter of weeks he felt like he belonged to me. Thankfully both Dean and I have parented kids who are not biologically ours, and we know it feels different. Meeting B today felt like meeting the new kid who moved in across the street. He is new to us, but we know we'll be seeing him every day. It will take us time to learn what makes him tick, how he learns, what motivates him, his likes and dislikes. As we learn these things, he will be learning about us, how to read our body language, what these new words  mean, as well as these new expectations that will be put upon him. Since he is able to turn tears on/off quite quickly, I expect we'll be seeing a lot of them over the next week. Our biggest concern at the moment is addressing immediate behavioral issues that will make traveling home difficult. Like I said in above, he is a very smart little boy and he'll catch on quickly.

And here is a bit of brutal honesty:

Please pray for little B's heart and soul. In a matter of days we will take him from the very place he has lived his entire life. Adoption involves trauma. Lots of trauma. Even children who are saved from the most extreme circumstances suffer trauma when removed from that place. From everything they know. From an environment in which they are familiar with the routine and people. And, lets face it, there are some children who never do well with that change.  International adoption is not for the faint of heart. Don't assume that you will love your new child the moment they're placed in your arms, and don't assume that child will love you. I know, from going through this with Axel the first few weeks, that B is probably going to hate us at first. We're going to have to change 10 years of learned behavior and it's not going to be a pleasant experience for any of us. But the rewards. Oh the rewards!!! To be able to watch this little boy grow and learn. To watch him SOAR, all because God found him a family before it was too late.

Here He is!

I know what you're here for, so quick scroll down to the pictures then come back to the top to read!

Our first task this morning was the meeting at the ministry. Here we went over all of B's medical and social history. His social history breaks my heart. The first thing the social worker did was hand me a picture of B, and right away I recognized him as a boy I met 3 years ago.

Then it was off the the institution to meet him!!! We got to his floor and were waiting for the other staff to join us when I turned and saw him sitting in the break room with ALL of the caregivers from that floor. LOL "There he is!" I said. I was told we could go ahead and go in. Of course, as I went to say hello to him tears came to my eyes and I got choked up. He was sitting in a child-size chair and I knelt down in front of him. He immediately wrapped his arms around my neck for a big hug. Then Papa got a hug.

B is a very active little boy! 10 seconds of hugging was enough for him. He wanted to know what was in my little bag. We played with a toy phone for about...oh...2 seconds.

Let me tell you, he is one very smart little boy! It took approximately 30 seconds to teach him the sign "please".  Dean caught it on camera when he was signing "please" for me to swing him...again....

And swinging is what we did A LOT of. I mean, us picking him up and swinging him. Dean and I were both very sweaty by the time the visit was done! LOL

B is amazing at getting his point across. Although he is unable to talk, he has made up his own system of gestures that have specific meaning. He has a sign for eat/drink, up, etc. It was truly fascinating to watch him communicate! In the course of the one hour visit he learned the signs for "please", "more," "all done", and "bubble", and was doing them without prompting! Oh, and he tried to SAY bubble, with a "Buh Buh". I didn't think it was possible, but I'm going to say I think he's going to learn sign even FASTER than Axel did!  I sure hope our speech therapist and school is ready for that. ;-)

When we adopted Axel, he was like a feral child, very wild and needed a very quick crash course in acceptable behavior so I could get him home through the airports. However, he was very accepting if I told him not to touch things. Asher?  He was a very passive little boy who has been slowly coming out of his shell. From day one we could take him anywhere. So where is B? Ummmmm....to our sitter who is reading now, please start removing all breakable items and just put them in a box somewhere!!! There is no discipline in the institution. B is very quick to cry when he doesn't get his way (this is a GOOD THING, and I'm happy to see he expresses displeasure. He has a wide range of emotions.) And when you tell him "no" he can't have something he drops his arms and gives a "humph" type of noise. He has a thinking motion he does when he's trying to figure something out. And when he doesn't want something? He is LIGHTNING QUICK to throw it!!!  He's a very afraid to try new things, but I have already figured out how to go about it. It just takes him a bit to warm up to the idea, or the adult just goes ahead to do it and let him watch to see how it's done, then he's more willing to give it a try on his own.

Have I mentioned he is very busy? That sensory room we're creating in the basement is going to be 100% necessary for B. Pretty sure he'll be spending a lot of time on the swings, climbing and jumping and climbing and climbing and jumping. HA!

B is going to give Axel and Asher (and Dean and I) a run for our money. But, I'm very excited. He is a VERY smart little boy who just needs consistency and communication, and I have no doubt we'll see big changes just as we did with Axel and Asher.

We are here!

After being awake for 36 hours, sleeping maybe a total of 3 hours between us, we have arrived in Belgrade. We are in our apartment, have gotten some groceries to get us through the morning, taken a shower and are now ready for bed!!!! Tomorrow we meet our son!!!

There's more than one way to Belgrade!

We were supposed to fly out of Minneapolis to Newark at 4:00 pm yesterday. Unfortunately due to bad weather everything to the east coast was either cancelled, or significantly delayed. First our flight was delayed, then delayed a couple more times. Finally at 6:00 we were in the process of boarding when they cancelled the flight.

We, along with 300 other people. were trying to re-book flights. We were able to get the last seats on a flight to Amsterdam and raced to catch it. 15 minutes from home and we sat for 7 hours waiting to fly!

We are now here in Amsterdam, then we go on to Munich, then arrive in Belgrade at 9:00 pm Belgrade time. (That's 3:00 pm at home.)  We'll get to bed then get up tomorrow for our  meeting and to go meet B!!!

Please pray there are no other delays! We need to be at our meeting at 10:00 tomorrow morning! This meeting CANNOT get delayed. The government is shutting down May first, and the Embassy will only be closed many days as well. We need to have our entire process DONE by May 1st and it's not likely to happen if this meeting gets delayed to Monday.

Here we come B!!

Ok, we are all packed!!! The last of the house is picked up. Whatever hasn't gotten done at this point isn't going to. By the time you see this, we'll be in the air.

Here we come B!!! Mama and Papa are coming!!!

So...

So this morning we finally got the email we've been waiting for; final approval from B's social center to complete our adoption!!!

Yeah, umm.... we're leaving in TWO DAYS! Yes, we will leave on Wednesday. WEDNESDAY. Panic. That is where I've been all day, panic. So much to get done. But for tonight I'm shot so decided to come here and put to print how much I did get done today so I can see I really did make some progress.

I have spent most of today running around like a mad woman, getting a huge list of stuff done. Here's what today looked like. Items with a strikeout were completed today. Of course, these things can only be done when I'm not taking care of the kids who are here!

Buy plane tickets
Put bathroom linen closet back together (because I got carried away and gutted it!)
Go to my bank
Go to Dean's bank
Go to bank again! (really? Shees!)
Target: Buy size 5T pants for B, a car seat, underwear and socks, pull ups
Post office
Find electric converters!!!!
Finish laundry
Clean basement
Clean 2nd bathroom
Wash sheets
Emergency notebook put together
Fill out special olympics registration
MAIL Special Olympics registration
Buy 2 bags of dog food
Buy breakfast foods/Asher lunches for two weeks
Write down dog instructions
Request take-along antibiotics from dr. 
Pick up medications 
Dispense meds for the month
Bathe dogs
Shave down dogs
Move Dean's motorcycle out of storage (delegated to family member)
Pick up Angela from softball
Arrange softball rides for Angela
Cancel therapy
Clean master bedroom (why is it the collection place for everything?)
Order Euro from bank
Print itinerary for sitter
Get emergency contact info to all kids teachers
Print boarding passes
PACK PACK PACK

The hardest thing

The hardest thing about traveling for international adoption is getting the house ready for someone else to be in charge while you're gone!!!

I have a HUGE long list of things to do. Then I complete something and go to check it off the list only to discover it wasn't even ON the list! Instead, that master list still sits with all items untouched.

The good thing is, I work better under pressure. ;-)

Now, if anyone local knows a dog groomer who isn't busy, I have three dogs who MUST be shaved down before we leave! Our back yard is M.U.C.K. and my house is full of mud, which will be slightly better if I get them shaved down. If I don't get them done, they will be matted, muddy messes when I come back. I always groom the dogs myself but I don't know how I'm going to squeeze in this time-consuming task before we leave. 

9 days!

Oh my gosh, we're leaving in NINE days!!!!

Well, we have to wait for our final approval from B's social worker, which I'm promised we will have word by Friday.  We do know the Serbian ministry wants us ready to travel home by May 1st because of their Orthodox holiday schedule. The Government will be shut down much of May so we need to have everything wrapped up by May 1st. This could be a record adoption processing time for Serbia. LOL

Tonight I took stock of suitcases and carry-ons. This is the first time Dean is traveling with me, and he may or may not come home early. Plus, I'm bringing donated therapy items too! (if anyone would like to donate items, particularly sensory stuff, please contact me privately. I would need items to arrive by Wednesday, April 10th.)

I have some awesome news to share about this facility that will be in a separate post. There have been HUGE changes there to benefit the kids, particularly the younger kids!

Serbia: Adoption Alert

This was published on the Department of State website on March 29th, echoing what I've been posting about for months.

Alert: Serbia Adoption

U.S. Embassy Belgrade has received reports that one or more U.S. adoption agencies may be giving prospective adoptive parents misleading information about the process of adoption in Serbia.  

Serbia places a priority on domestic adoption.  The only children who are generally available for intercountry adoption are children with special needs.  There are no adoption agencies authorized to offer adoption services in Serbia, and families should not seek to work with an intermediary.  You are strongly encouraged to read the Serbia adoption country information, which outlines the only way to adopt children from Serbia.

There is no legal alternative to the Serbian adoption process outlined in this adoption country information page on Serbia.  If you have received contradictory or misleading information from a U.S. accredited or approved adoption service provider, you can register a complaint with the Hague Complaint Registry (HCR), which is administered by the Council on Accreditation (COA).

To report such activity by a non-accredited or approved agency, you may contact the licensing authority of the state where the agency is located.  You can also contact the Office of Children’s Issues via email toAdoptionUSCA@state.gov  and have your complaint recorded

I Didn't Know I Was Their Mother

Over the past couple of days I've been hearing from parents who are in the midst of or had a really difficult time with their adoptions. Bonding with a child who is not biologically yours, particularly an older child, is NOT easy.

I originally wrote this post for my other blog, just a few months after bringing Asher home.  As we prepare our home and our hearts for the addition of another child, the fear sneaks in. Fear of the unknown. I'm reposting this tonight as much for myself as for others who may be reading.

**************************

It was April 2010, and I'd made the trip to Serbia with a friend. We visited two foster homes to meet the boys who lived in them. One had Down syndrome, and one did not.

His name was Djordje. This little boy came out to greet us. I said to my friend, "Wow, for a boy with Ds he's tall for 4."

"Four? He's NINE!"

"Ok, well then I take it back. He's really tiny for 9!"

He was a funny little guy, eager to show off for us, and play with these two crazy ladies who didn't know how to talk right.

The first time I met Axel, I didn't know I was his mother.

When I returned home from that trip, Dean and I started the process to adopt a little girl I'd also met along the way. As things with that adoption continued to fall through, we started thinking: Who was most in danger right now? The little kids with DS had time, but that older boy. That 9 year old. His foster family was ready for him to move along. Dean asked if Djordje had any issues that I worried about dealing with, and I said, no, absolutely not. He's a lovable little guy who I wouldn't hesitate to bring into our family.

Suddenly I had lots of questions that couldn't be answered. When I had met him the first time, I wasn't looking at him with a mother's eyes. What size clothes was he wearing? Did he seem to hear? What size shoes? What kinds of sounds was he making? Did he say ANY words?

One month later, on December 1st 2010, I was holding him in my arms once again. Only this time, I knew I was his mother.

It wasn't easy. Bringing home a 10 year old boy who had lived in four different settings before coming to us was tough. He'd never been allowed to form bonds that weren't destroyed when he was moved from one place to the next. He tested us...oh how he tested. There were many times when I begged God for insight into what made Axel tick. What was the root hurt that was fueling one behavior or another. How many times I stood in the shower (aka my prayer closet) and cried because I really didn't know what to do or how to help him. And always....always clarity coming to me in those moments, when God would give me a word to explain Axel's latest antics, like "bruised", "fearful" or "distressed", or maybe show me an image from Axel's eyes and how he viewed a certain situation. That doesn't mean I handled those situations perfectly with this information, and I have made plenty of mistakes, believe me. I'm human, and often felt like I was flying by the seat of my pants. But Dean...Dean has been my rock and together we made it through some rough adjustments.

The first time I met Asher, I didn't know I was his mother.

It was November 30th, 2010, and I was making a visit to the orphanage in Belgrade. I hoped to visit the little girl we'd originally tried to adopt, and also check up on a few other kids. The next day I would be meeting Axel again! Oh, there are SO MANY cute kids there, its very hard to know that you're going to leave them all behind.

I was with another family at the time, and together we met this little guy. Other than the fact he was very cute, he didn't stick in my mind as "my child" because he was so young. Still in a crib. Our age minimum was 6 and this little guy was no more than two...or was he? His name was Lazar, and I didn't know he was already 6!

But he knew...he knew I was his mother. He tried to tell me but I didn't hear. I wasn't speaking his language because I wasn't  his mother...yet.

When I met him again, exactly one year later, he looked much different. 

This time I came knowing I was his mother. I didn't remember ever having met him before, probably because he looked so different. His face wasn't familiar eat all! No, this was a new child I had never met before. And to be honest, he was. GONE was the child I didn't remember meeting. Clearly his nutritional level had changed, and he was "flat", without any affect at all. Gone was the eye contact. Gone was his ability to participate in the world around him. No, I had never met this child.

*It wasn't until we were home for about 6 weeks that I discovered the pictures I'd taken that very first time I met Asher one year prior. I still don't remember having met him. *

If you read back through my adoption blog during those first few visits, you'll see it was not easy. Three months ago I wrote these words:

Asher has had his entire 7 years behind institutional walls. Through the glass partitions I watch him in his group.  Sometimes toys are scattered on the floor, like miscellaneous blocks that don't go together. Nobody has taught the children how to play with them so they are nothing but objects with which to hit themselves in the head or tap on the wall. Asher stands in the middle of the room or lays on the floor, eyes cold and distant, unfocused, lost in his own world. His world, the one in the institution, has nothing for him so he has left to find somewhere better in his mind. He doesn't rock, he just stands frozen like a statue. If he lays on the floor he is still. Sometimes he finds a thread from someone's clothes, or a stuffed animal that still has it's tag, and dangles it before his eyes, occasionally using his other hand to give it a twirl. This is Asher's day....every day....for every waking moment.

Ever so slowly, over the course of the next two weeks, Asher started to appear. 

With flashes of eye contact...

And a the hint of a smile...

I eventually found him.

The little boy who now sleeps down the hall is not the same boy I met just three months ago. I am his mother and he is my son. Today he spends his day bursting with squeals of delight and great enthusiasm at every new experience. 

So many adoptive parents think that they will feel an instant connection to the child they're adopting, and if they don't they think there must be something wrong with them.  I met BOTH of my children prior to adopting them and there was no "instant connection" then, so why would there be when I returned to adopt them? I didn't expect there to be, and there were no guilty feelings when there weren't. I have parented children who were not biologically mine before. I knew ahead of time that it feels different. 

Bonding takes time, particularly when the child is not biologically yours and he or she is no longer a baby. And sometimes...sometimes a child who is not biologically yours never feels like they are your child. Sometimes they never get past feeling like a niece or nephew. And do you know what? There is nothing wrong with that. If your niece or nephew suffered a terrible tragedy and came to live with you, do you think you could help them heal? Absolutely! And so too will you help your adopted child. And those days when you really don't feel like loving them, you might have to fake it. Have you ever had an annoying neighbor kid come over to play? Their every habit grating on your nerves but you still treat them well because...well..you should! You even find yourself watching the clock for when it's time to send him and his habits - which were created in his other life - home. Sometimes your adopted child might feel like that annoying neighbor kid. Because you might feel that way doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. You can still show a child love and caring without feeling like they are "yours", just like you do with the neighbor kid. Your job is to help heal the wounds in that child's heart and spirit. Love them. There will be days when you feel like you can't. Get support, pray, call a friend, talk to your spouse, pray some more, stand in the shower and cry. It will get better eventually, but you MUST seek out support if you feel like you're sinking. 

As for us, both Axel and Asher are truly "my" children now. We have bonded. That doesn't mean every day is a cakewalk, but I can say I have never had one single day where I regretted the decision we made to bring these boys home. 

Prayers work!

Thank you, everyone, for your prayers!!!

The other family has cleared and are leaving for Serbia tomorrow!  You prayed them there, and for that I am grateful. I have no doubt they are as well.

And there have been other prayers answered. For nearly two years I have been praying for "Mary".

  A year ago I blogged about her.

On Monday she will meet her mother.

Adopting Older Kids: Our experience Pt 2

Several weeks ago I started a series I never came back to. I am QUEEN of unfinished projects! It is for this reason Dean is amazed we've ever completed an adoption because there is a lot to get done. I say it's because I work better under pressure. LOL

Anyway, if you're new here, here's a link to my first post "Adopting Older Kids: Our Experience Pt 1".

So what about Asher's adoption? He had just turned 7 when I showed up in his world, what was he like?  You can read about one of my first days with Asher here. Asher was largely unaware of anything other than spending every waking moment of his day stimming with whatever object he could find. Where Axel's adoption was hard physical work, Asher's was mentally exhausting. With Axel I just had to have good reflexes and the patience of a saint. (and I am no saint!) With Asher I had to be constantly mindful of his fear, constantly mindful of what triggered those fears. Oh...and I had to learn what his fears were, because clearly "fear" is what much of Asher's life was based upon.

Asher was the easiest child EVER. How could a kid straight out of the institution be SO easy? Surely he was going to explode before me any minute.

I kept waiting.

It didn't happen.

It all went back to that fear. Asher was scared to death to do...anything! He wouldn't walk without holding my hand. When I let go he stopped there and just froze in place like a statue. When I first met him and told Dean how developmentally little he was, I told him to quick childproof the house because Asher was basically a 6 month old who could walk. I need not have worried, because Asher was too afraid to touch anything. We had to put a toy in his hand and then he was too afraid to put it down. Everything. He was so afraid of everything.  Working through some of that fear really was exhausting. Sometimes I felt like screaming "Just go PLAY already! Pick up a toy and PLAY!"

It has never happened. Asher will pick up toys, but it's rare that he plays with them. Not appropriately, anyway. He is not interested. Asher wants to MOVE now. Like the 2 year old he is now developmentally, Asher is all about running, and climbing, and jumping, and crawling in and crawling under and through. Asher is on the move!!! He is making up for 6 1/2 years he spent in a crib. He has "under" days where he spends every waking moment trying to get under every chair, every table or other small nooks and crannies, even if only his head will fit inside. Other days he spends the whole day trying to be as high up in the air as possible. Climbing the step stool and standing at the top (no hands mom!) Climbing up the bunk beds, climbing up the back of the couch, just anywhere he can climb up and be high. There are "in days" when he spends the day hiding in tiny dark places: in closets, behind doors, in dark bathrooms. The "throwing" days are those where he is constantly throwing his entire body onto furniture or other people.  Each of these different sensory needs are Asher trying to get input into all the areas he missed as an infant/toddler. He's trying to self-regulate his body.

What does this mean for us, as parents? It means on the days when Asher spends crawling around dragging his head on the floor, we need to find a way for him to get the input he needs in a bit more appropriate manner. It means we need to be ready with lightning fast Jedi moves to deflect him throwing himself into us or other kids. It means we need to be aware that on certain days we cannot expect certain things from him because he's just not able on those days. The sensory need of the day is what rules Asher's world and we need to be prepared for all of them.

Teaching Asher has also been difficult. I want him to learn new skills as quickly as Axel did. But he won't. Asher and Axel are two different children. Asher has absolutely no interest in learning things like ABC's, colors or even matching colors. No, Asher's mission in life is to move. Period. As soon as learning materials come out, he completely shuts down. I have to remind myself he is "two", and eventually when he hits "three" our "four", he'll be ready for other things, and since he's 8 years old now, we might be waiting a long time.

If you have adopted an older child, what were some of the things you found difficult? Lets use this as a discussion for those who will come behind us. If you're reading from Facebook, please comment here on the blog so everyone can participate.

Today I looked...

I looked at the counter up there on the top of the blog. The one with the airplane. Do you see it? Do you see that number? Only 18 days left!!!!

How will I stand the wait?

The anxiety dreams are in full swing! Yesterday I woke up with a start thinking, "I can't go." and was overcome with fear. I started praying right away, because I knew from where this came. I only needed to pull out B's picture and see his huge grin to come fully awake.

We are coming B! Even though the other side of the world seems really far away right now, we're coming!

Serbia's system

Let me explain a bit, about Serbia's adoption system.

First, there are the levels of government involved. There is the Ministry, which is like the state level.
Then there is the Center for Social Welfare (aka "Social Center") which is like the county level. The Social Center is located in or near the child's city of birth.

In the US, the state oversees the county. In Serbia, in matters of social care for individual children, the county makes all the decisions.

When you submit your dossier to Serbia, it is first approved by the Ministry. They make sure you your family meets the general requirements and that you have all the appropriate documents. Then you are added to a registry of "Approved adoptive families".  You are given referrals for children who meet your criteria, and your dossier is then sent on to the Social Center responsible for the child you choose.

Once in the hands of the Social Center, it is up to the child's Social worker to determine if you are an appropriate family for that child. In theory, that social worker is supposed to know the child. In reality, the child could be located hundreds of miles away and it's possible the social worker hasn't seen the child since the day he or she was born.  And yet, this one person is responsible for making the final decision on approving an adoptive family.

When I adopted Axel, he was the second child with Down syndrome ever adopted through that particular social center. (since then there have been several more, and at this point I think they have done more international adoptions in general than any other social center in Serbia.) The staff was wonderful to work with and clearly invested in the care of the child. It helped that Axel was in a foster home very near their office so there was frequent contact. This Social Center is quick to get children placed in foster care when there is a bed available, and they have several children who have never seen the inside of an institution. In the year following Axel's adoption we remained in contact and I sent many updates.

When you are presented with a child who meets your criteria, you're not typically told what social center the child is from. When we chose Asher, it was without knowing that he was from the same Social Center where Axel was from. Exactly one year after completing Axel's adoption, I once again stood in their office for Asher's adoption ceremony. There are the formalities (there aren't many!) then they said it was the first time they'd had the opportunity to keep current with a child's progress. That while they had always been in support of adoption, they were finally able, for the first time, to see that a child wouldn't just thrive in a family, but make significant progress toward becoming a contributing member of society. This increased their level of commitment to the children. They jokingly asked if, since I was there in 2010 and 2011, would see me again in 2012?

Now we  have chosen B.

B is not from the same social center as Axel and Asher.

Though Serbia has been allowing adoptions to the US since 2008, not many people know about it. From 2008 to 2011 there have only been 24 Serbian children adopted into the US. Although Serbia does allow adoption to a couple other countries, it is easy to understand why some of the Social Centers in Serbia have never completed an international adoption.

Here is where I must back up a bit. If you have been reading here for awhile, you know that during Axel's adoption we ran into some problems with the facilitator we were working with. The Serbian ministry quickly rose to the challenge, addressing issues of adoption corruption to the best of their ability. There was a big investigation and some day .....who knows how long really....there will be a trial. Things calmed down and adoptions went back to the pleasant experience they were supposed to be. Word travels fast in Serbia, and Social Centers that had never completed adoptions became hesitant to get involved. They didn't want to be accused of child trafficking or profiting off the life of a child.

There are many people in Serbia who don't understand how it is possible to raise one child with special needs, much less three, four, or five. It is unusual for a family in Serbia to have more than two children. Three is rare. Four is almost unheard of. Then you look at a family like ours who has three kids with Down syndrome in the house. It is incomprehensible to most Serbians this could be something a family would be able to handle, much less WANT to do it.

The Ministry (remember they are the state level) gets it. They understand that things are different in the US. In Serbia most families don't have a car, instead walking or taking public transportation everywhere they go. Grocery stores are like our convenience stores, and because they're on foot they shop for a day or two at a time, not a week or more like we do in the U.S. Services for kids with disabilities are available and the ability to receive an education is the right of every child in the U.S regardless of disability.

If only those who are responsible to make the decisions for the life of each child understood that Down syndrome is nothing. Down syndrome is easy. It is dealing with the damage done by years of living behind the walls of an institution that is difficult. Teaching children who have been deprived of the most basic needs that people are safe. Family is safe. Food is safe and will always be available. That the survival skills he or she has spent years developing and depending on aren't needed anymore.

A Serbian friend of mine made a great statement the other day. He said, "Two years ago we dealt with the illegal activities of corruption. Now we must deal with something that is perfectly legal but no less dangerous - ignorance." 

Kindle Winner

Good morning everyone! I hope today finds you more awake than my kids were when the pulled the name of the kindle winner. LOL They were quite out of it at 6:15 a.m. If the winner would please email me or message me on FB with your shipping address, I will get this sent off!

Winners!!!!

Ok, I know you're tapping your fingers waiting for this! These winners were chosen randomly by the staff at Project Hopeful. I wasn't given a list of contributors so I don't even know who participated unless they specifically told me. I am so honored to see these names. People I didn't know read my blog, people I know may have struggled to contribute, people from other parts of the world. Thank you again to everyone who helped to bring B home!!!!

To the winners, please email me privately at deanleah at comcast.net or message me on FB with your shipping address!

So, without further adieu....

1) Winner of the "FAMILY" print: Kathy Thut

2) Winner of the Scentsy Easter Basket: Jill Spicer

3) Winner of the Signing Time DVD Set: Virginia Marton

4) Winner of the REDEFINE Marco Exfoliator: Fransisca Esco

Coming Soon!

Later today I'll be posting the winners of the two giveaways. I need to wait for the Project Hopeful staff  to do the drawing for the "FAMILY" items.

....sigh....

I had everything all figured out. Childcare, Dean's time off work, kids, and all the other things involved when the parents are leaving for three weeks. (well, Dean won't be gone that long.)

Today we were informed our ministry meeting has been changed. Now we're scrambling to re-arrange childcare and all the other arrangements we need to have in place.

I had PLANS for this trip, that centered around timing. There is another family who was going to be traveling at the same time, but yesterday they were informed they need to be there a week earlier, and us a week later.

I'm pretty disappointed. Having done this twice before and know it is NOT fun to be there by yourself the whole time! We will overlap a few days, but they will be busy with their final days of paper chasing  right when we're getting there.

HOWEVER, although I'm disappointed, I try to keep in mind that timing is everything, and everything happens for a reason. I have been stranded by volcanoes, had earthquakes just days before I was supposed to arrive in a city, and then there are root canals. There is a REASON we can't leave yet. Either something on this end or something on that side. We may or may not ever know what it was, but I'm not going to stress about it. I can't.

So...we leave in 29 days. That's just one more weekend to get everything done that needs doing around here.

"Soon Shoes"

Pretty soon the feet of a little boy will be filling these shoes!

B is just a little guy, but so were Axel and Asher when they came. Well, who are we kidding? Asher is still a little one! Here's how the boys measured then and now:

Axel: Arrival: 10 yrs 4 months, 45 inches and 43 lbs......Current: 12 yrs 7 mo, 70 lb, 54 inches

Asher: Arrival: 7 yrs 1 month - 29 inches and 32 lbs.......Current: 8 yrs 4 mo, 43 inches and 48 lbs

B: current measurements sent to us are 45 inches and 46 lbs. 

Can you believe that Axel came home a little over 2 years ago wearing a size 5 (what Asher is wearing now)  and he's now wearing 10's??? That is crazy to me. Do you know what that means? It means between Axel and Asher I have lots of boy clothes here. I have every size from 3t to 10-12's! I don't think I'll have a problem outfitting our little guy. Still, I had to get him a couple of new things. He is DESERVING of some things that have never, ever, ever been worn by another child before. 

In just a few weeks, the day will come when he will be stripped of his orphanage clothes, and I will get to dress him for the very first time. He will not wear pink. He will not wear tights. He will be dressed like the tween boy he is.

That very night, for the first time ever in his entire 9 years, he will sleep in a bed in a room that does not have a dozen other children trying to fall asleep. He will wear pajamas made for the super hero he is. 

Needless to say, we're getting pretty excited around here.  When I got the shoes I asked Axel, "Who will wear these?" He signed Angela. I showed him they were much too small for Angela's feet. He signed Asher. (they're only 1 size bigger than Asher's shoes.) I told him good guess, but Asher already has new shoes. Axel looked puzzled. I took out the picture of B and put it next to the shoes and explained that he would be wearing these shoes. "Soon Axel. Soon your new brother will be here. He will come home on the airplane with Mama and will be wearing these shoes."

Axel was chattering in Axelese and quite animated after that. He showed the shoes to Dean and told him "New boy, soon shoes. Airplane!" 

Preparations are coming along. We bought a bed on craigslist and hope to get it painted and set up in the boys' room this weekend. Taking many things into consideration, we've been trying to decide on the best sleeping arrangements. I think we finally have it figured out. That is, at least until we get to know B, his fear, and any problems we might not know about. 

25 days. Just 25 days until we fly!

YOU DID IT!!!!!!

Both the FAMILY artwork fundraiser, and the Kindle fundraiser are open until the 15th. If it happens that we have an overage, it will be going to another Serbian adoptive family.

It's Humbling

In 12 days we need to be booking our plane tickets. In 26 days we should be on that plane.

We are still $900 short.

This process is a very humbling experience. This morning I had a small tantrum right in the middle of the floor on Facebook. A stomping, kicking, ugly-cry kind of tantrum. And then I took a nap. Or tried to. Instead as I lay in bed holding my head that was pounding with a migraine while God reminded me of something. That it isn't about me. It is about B and all of YOU. 

I really need to thank a lot of people for the funds we have raised so far. If it weren't for you, we would not have raised $2,100 so far!

To Kyle Marsh, artist behind the ASL FAMILY artwork.

My good friend Hevel, who lives in Isreal, donated the Kindle. He has now made a new offer to the Kindle winner! (see #3 of his quick takes)

A thank you to Kim for donating the Scentsy basket.

To Marsha for donating the facial exfoliator. (If you haven't seen these things, they're quite awesome!)

My good friend Ronai contributed the Signing Time pack of DVD's. She is also graciously hosting an Origami Owl fundraiser.

I know there are MANY people who donated funds without entering any of the give aways. I cannot thank you enough. I would like to thank each one of you personally, but because some people prefer to contribute anonymously, I'll not be given a list of contributors. Please know I am grateful to each and every one of you.

To those who took the time to write out a check, put it in an envelope, lick it, seal it and put a stamp on it, then get it in the mail, I thank you. I honestly don't know the last time I put an actual piece of mail in the mail box, and I truly appreciate your effort. I know that as you did, it was with OUR family in mind. It is different. I know you prayed over that money and it wasn't easy to give away.

To my online friends who have shared our story, written words of encouragement and love to us, called when they knew I was feeling discouraged, I cannot thank you enough. Most of you have been, are currently or soon will be in the adoption process yourselves and I know you "get" the stress involved.

And still, there are more of you. There are people reading who contributed to our previous adoptions in the form of monetary contributions, prayer and support. You have seen us through. You prayed with me when I was feeling afraid. You have helped me 'think out loud' when there has been a problem to solve. You have helped me teach my children. You have loved them right along with us. You have accepted them. You have joined me for coffee at my table, you have commented here or on Facebook. Always there for us. You've always been there.

Thank you. To each and every one of you. Thank you.

(please note, if you arrived her via networked blogs, links to fundraisers buttons may not work. Log out of networked blogs and go straight to http://myianna.blogspot.com/  links to the fundraisers are on the right sidebar.)