Tears Today

Today I was catching up on my friend Meghan's blog. They're currently in Eastern Europe completing the adoption of their newest child, Masha. As I was reading a post from last week, I read this sentence: "This was the first time I had been left alone with Masha, just the 2 of us. I held her close, brushed her hair out of her eyes & told her I loved her & that she would soon be coming home."


I remember the feeling of touching Ianna's face. Of tucking her hair behind her ears. Seeing her smile at the attention, and the caring touch. I vowed to find her a family, and I did. My family. 


But the end is very different. I don't get to tell her she'll be coming home soon. My heart, which had been healing, is broken again today. Lord, why this child? Why must she suffer? How is this fair to an innocent child? 


We have not stopped praying for Ianna. We think of her every day. She lead us to Axel, who all of us adore. Ianna opened Dean's heart, and showed him there was room enough to love another child. For that God, I am grateful. But it can't be over. It can't end that way. If only there was something I could do to make the ending different.