Closing up Shop

This blog is all about our adoptions. Since Abel is now home, we're a family, and the door is closed on this chapter, I'll be back to blogging on my main blog Garden of Eagan. I'd love to have you join me there as I chronicle the lives of our kids and family and we find our new normal raising the AAAA's.

Welcome Home Abel

Here's the video you've all been waiting for. Dean's brother Dave did all the recording, and discovered it's hard to get short kids AND adult faces in the video at the same time. LOL My favorite part of the entire video is when Abel gave Asher a hug. After having the day to observe them now, we're pretty sure Abel remembers Asher from their time in the institution.

The video starts out with everyone in the house waiting for us to arrive. Enjoy!

Traveling Home

Here are pics from our trip home. I don't have the ARRIVAL video yet. Hopefully I will have it tonight so I can keep the blog in chronological order.

Sitting at the Nikola Tesla airport in Belgrade.

Goodbye Serbia! Goodbye!

He kept the headphones on for .001 seconds.

Riding the car for 7 hours. He did FANTASTIC! 

His first slide in America, at a highway rest stop somewhere in Wisconsin. LOL

Nobody has ever given him a snack to hold before. He was quite proud of himself.

Minutes after that last picture was taken we arrived home! Video still to come.

We Made It

Well, it was an interesting trip home!

The we caught our first flight from Belgrade to Munich at 1:00 Saturday afternoon. Although he was just a little fearful getting onto the plane, Abel did fantastic on the 90 minute flight! However, we were late arriving in Munich which had us running through the airport, Abel in a wheelchair so we could move faster. We got on that flight was they were closing the doors.

Abel did absolutely AMAZING the entire flight. Really, he was perfect. The only problem we had was  him not wanting to eat the food because it was tough for him to chew, but I had packed back-up options. Really, he could not have done better. He stayed awake the entire flight which means Dean and I did too. This would be a problem later.

The excitement started when we arrived, right on time, in Chicago.

When you arrive at your port of entry, there are several steps to checking your newly adopted child into the country. We have come in through Chicago every time and never had any problems, but this time was different. I have always gotten  a wheelchair escort for a couple of reasons. First, the Chicago airport is HUGE 2) there are lots of lines to stand and wait in and 3) the newly adopted, post-institutional kids don't do very well with all the waiting around, and the wheelchair escort is able to bypass some of the lines.

Step 1) Passport control. It took us awhile to get down there because there were about 15 wheelchairs waiting for the elevator that can only take two wheelchairs at a time. Our escort, a college kid, looked at his watch, then looked for our gate on his phone. At this point we had one hour. "I don't think we're going to make it." he said. "Oh, you need to think far more positive than that! We have one hour, I have made it in an hour before." It was about that time we got a whiff of Abel.

Step 2) Baggage claim. You must get your bags off the carrousel, but re-check them later through security and into the domestic flight system. While Dean and the escort were waiting for our bags, Abel and I found the bathroom so I could get him cleaned up. It was a good thing we went then. When I removed his pull-up, Abel was nice enough to pee all over the floor while I was scrambling to get a new diaper to catch the pee, then clean the puddle off the floor. It was a bit tight in the stall since we had a wheelchair in there with us, and while I turned to get rid of the diaper Able pooped on the floor. Meanwhile Dean is at the door of the restroom "Hurry honey! Hurry!" I pulled a clean pair of jeans out of my carry on, got the floor cleaned up as best I could, and ran to catch up to them. Because this happened while they were getting our bags it didn't delay us at all.

Step 3) Immigration.

A lot of people have complained about the Immigration section at Chicago O'Hare, but I have never had a problem. I've always gotten in and out very quickly. This time when we arrived there was one other person ahead of us, and several who came in behind us. Just after we arrived the guy at the counter left. He didn't bother to have any of the other 8 immigration staff step into his place, he just walked away.

For 20 minutes.

When he came back he got through our stuff pretty quickly, but by then the damage was done. We quickly shoved our bags through the X-ray machine, threw them on the cart and all of us (escort pushing wheelchair, Dean pushing cart with bags and me running behind) and all of us RAN to the area where our bags would be re-checked and get our boarding passes. All the agents were occupied. One woman stood and debated for 10 minutes over which of the three flights she was being offered would suit her needs. Another woman was issued a boarding pass for her flight and told to "Run! I'm calling to let them know you're coming! They're ready to close the door!"

Then it was our turn. "Oh no." the agent said. "That woman was on the same flight." She quick punched in the numbers to check us in. "I'm so sorry. The system has locked me out of that flight. It won't let me check you in because they've closed the doors."

We were only one hour away from home, and I did NOT want to hear this. Only it got worse. "That was the last flight out to Minneapolis tonight, and there is nothing tomorrow that has seats available." We were a one hour flight away from home but couldn't get there.

It is possible I started to cry at this point. I blame exhaustion, frustration, and the thought our only way home at this point was to pay $300 to rent a car and drive 7 hours. As our escort guided us out of the airport I couldn't stop the tears. They were just flowing down my face as I kept thinking, "We're not supposed to be leaving the airport! We're supposed to be on a flight HOME and seeing our kids in less than an hour."

We got our rental car and headed out of Chicago. Dean doesn't like to drive at night and I realized at the first toll booth that my eyes were having a really hard time staying focused. We'd been awake for 25 hours at that point and I realized even if we took turns driving, neither of us would be able to drive more than an hour at a time, and there is a heavily wooded area we'd be going through where there are lots of deer and other critters. "Lets get a room." I said, but Dean didn't want to. "Lets get something to eat. I need some real food." We pulled into an all-night diner and ordered some food. By this point Abel was DONE with the travel business. Our food took FOREVER because I'm pretty sure the cook went to the store to get the eggs, bread and oatmeal we ordered. As we were eating we realized it was the first time Abel has ever been in a restaurant and we were doing it when he was exhausted! Poor kid.   Sometime during our meal Dean realized driving wasn't a good idea and there was Super 8 right across the street. The empty beds there were calling our names. We ate quickly because Abel was DONE, drove next door, checked into the hotel a little before 11:00 pm and I think all three of us were out cold in a matter of minutes!!!

We woke up at 5:30 this morning, ate a quick breakfast then headed for home. Abel was excellent, once again, playing with his block and entertaining himself with the empty seat belts on either side of him. he sure is a good traveler!

FINALLY we pulled into our driveway at 1:30 this afternoon. What a journey!!! Dean's brother Dave and his wife Sandy were here to video our arrival. I will post it as soon as I get it.

Now, it's 9:15, all four kids are sound asleep in bed and Dean and I are headed to our own very shortly. It's 4:00 a.m. Serbia time. It usually takes me several days to get my body back into the local timezone, and I expect Abel will be waking up for the day at around 3:00.

Good night everyone!!!! Pictures and video as soon as I can think clearly!

Packing Frenzy

In just 17 hours we will be on our first of three flights home. Oh, we cannot WAIT to hug on all our little kids! We can't wait for the Angela, Axel and Asher to meet Abel! They have been so looking forward to this moment.

For those who were wanting to be at the airport, we come in at Terminal 1,  United flight 1616 from Chicago at 9:30 pm. I would check the flight status online just in case we have a delay somewhere along the way.

We're so EXCITED TO GET HOME! Please pray that Abel does ok (we think he will!) and that he SLEEPS A LOT on that long flight! 

WE ARE COMING HOME!!!!

It normally takes the US Embassy 2 days to process the Visa. Sometimes they can get it done in one day. (do the application in the morning, pick up the Visa in the afternoon.) We arrived at the Embassy at 2:45 today and planned on picking up the Visa Monday morning.

But today, they completed our Visa in TWO HOURS!!!!!

WE ARE DONE!

WE ARE COMING HOME!!!!!

I am working on booking flights now, looking for the first flight out we can get. Of course it's a holiday weekend here,

We're in the final stretch

Today we were up really early. Ok...Abel was up early and Dean and I laid in bed doing rock/paper/scissors to see who was going to get up with him. ....er....something like that. ;-)

We were out the door and on our way back to Sid to get the passport ordered. Everything seemed to go ok, and in theory we should be able to pick up the passport tomorrow at 1:00!!!! Assuming there are no problems, here is what tomorrow will look like:

 pick up an extra copy of the birth certificate
 pick up translated documents
 pick up passport
 medical appointment
 Apply for Visa at US Embassy
!!!!!!!PURCHASE PLANE TICKETS!!!!!!

The Family Table

One good thing about this adoption process, Abel is learning about being in a family in a gradual way. First with just Dean and me, and next week we'll be adding in his new brothers and sister.

In the institution, meal times aren't that. They are feedings, and it is much like feeding a pack of hungry animals. The day we had Abel's birthday party was probably not one of my top 10 favorite memories. The cake that was made was placed in the middle of a table with 8 or 10 starving kids around it. Hands reached to grab as caregivers did their best to dish up the treat as soon as fast as possible. Lightning fast hands raked through the frosting, shoving food into their hungry mouths, while at the same time grabbing off whatever plates they could reach to get more. It was so sad. So very sad.

In addition to chronic hunger, the kids are chronically dehydrated. OH THE THIRST!!! I have never seen a child FIGHT for something to drink. Asher was the same way, and after 18 months home still drinks a lot and is still obsessed with water.

I honestly don't know what the problem is. Part of it is chronic hunger. They children are fed just enough to keep them from starving, and the nutritional value of what they get is very low. Both Axel and Asher came home from Serbia deficient in almost every nutrient, and I expect the same will be true for Abel. But there is also the business of teaching manners. I just know the caregivers go home to their own children and expect them to act like children and not wild animals. For some reason it is just expected that in the institution the children aren't capable of learning this.

In the institution food shows up on a cart ready for them to eat, sometimes a bit hot so it is allowed to cool. Then it is placed before them and it is a race to eat before it is taken away. The institution where Abel spent 10 years is trying to make many changes, and this is one thing they want to change; the feeding routine.

So, our first meal at the apartment with Abel was a difficult one. As I did with Asher, I had him sit on a chair a safe distance from the stove and other dangerous things. He could see but he could not reach. ;-)  Watching us handle the food caused HUGE anxiety for him, and he cried the entire time, during which I kept talking about what I was doing, how I was cutting things up, pouring his drink, etc. Dean sat near him, reassuring him that the food would come. We fed him first and did not dish up our own food. With Asher, I spent several months feeding him every bite of food he ate. Part of this was for the bonding process, and the other purpose was to teach him to eat at a normal speed instead of inhaling as is done in the institution. So, with Abel I also fed him each bite, and intended to do so for quite some time.

When he was done with his meal he continued to beg for more. A child who is chronically hungry does not feel "full" and will eat until they vomit. He had eaten a reasonable amount of food and needed to be done. Then Dean and I ate. OH THE TEARS! It was so very difficult for Abel to watch us eat! Even though his belly was full, he didn't know how to be around food without eating. It was a new concept for him. I think it was about Sunday - the second full day - before we could eat in front of him without him panicking. Still, his belly had to be full first.

On Saturday and most of Sunday Dean or I fed him every bite of food he ate. He seemed to be settling in well so Sunday evening I let him feed himself. I only put one item of his dinner on his plate at once, but he ate at a normal rate. I still only put one item of the meal on his plate. In addition, Dean and I ate at the same time. Abel was relaxed and peaceful during this meal!

On Tuesday at lunch I was able to put all the items of his meal on his plate at one time. He alternated what items he took bites of, trying different things. At dinner I added one more step. I put his drink on the table too. OH THE DRINKS!!!! He has been OBSESSED with drinking just like Asher still is. He is now able to accept when we tell him "all done", but we have to put the drinks out of sight or he can't let it go. But this night...this night I was able to put the drink on the table along with his meal. Oh the delight he showed!!!!

These are pictures from dinner last night.

He enjoyed the fried eggs! 

He wasn't really sure how to handle having his food AND his drink on the table at the same time. We assured him that he didn't have to hold onto it. Nobody would steal it from him. 

He took a drink and set it back down.

Then nicely went back to eating.

He kept an eye on that cup though! And, like Angela and Asher,  he has chose a 'spot' for the cup and it must be in that spot if it's not in his hand. LOL

He has only ever eaten bread that is soaked in broth or water. ( the bread is in the cup with the broth/water.) Over the last couple of days we have introduced him to bread with various things on it, butter, or peanut butter, etc. He is now able to take bites of the bread and manages to move it around in his mouth. Because he's never picked up food to eat with his fingers (other than cookies which were a rare treat) he does NOT like the stuff on the bread to get onto his fingers. Today he ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for the first time. (every American kid must, right? LOL) He wasn't thrilled at first but after a few bites he liked it!

On the 3rd day with us, we no longer allowed him to cry while sitting on the chair watching us prepare food. If he cried he could do so, but he had to sit in the living room. (he could still see from there, but not nearly as well as from on the chair!) This only took one mealtime to correct, and now he can sit and watch either of us prepare food without the extreme anxiety he displayed before. He no longer needs one of us to sit near him while he waits. Now, any time one of us enters the kitchen area he goes to his chair. This will be very helpful at home, when he can sit with Asher at his place at the island and see everything! (this also keeps small hands out of harms way!)

I really am glad we've had this time with just him alone. I cannot imagine bringing him from the institution directly into our group of kids. Although none of them would try taking his food, HE doesn't know that and it probably would have taken us a lot longer to deal with this. I expect the first time we all sit down to eat together will be a bit stressful for him, but not nearly as traumatic as it could be.

INTRODUCING!!!!!

On April 24th, 2013

in

Sid, Serbia

A little boy 

who has spent 10 years all alone

is an orphan NO MORE!

Introducing

Bogdan Abel Spring

Welcome to the family Abel!

Damage Done

When I first got custody of Axel 2 1/2 years ago, if he was sitting "still" he was doing the orphan rock. He would do it to put himself to sleep too, but it was pretty easy to stop. What we haven't ever been able to stop, and we have long since quit trying, is the head banging in his sleep. Every 20 minutes, like clockwork, he bangs his head on the mattress for about 5 minutes. He's had a sleep study, it's nothing but institutional behavior. Then, in the early morning hours, he sits up and rocks again until you tell him it's time to get up. Most orphans I know never stop this type of self-soothing behavior, even when they've been home for years. I know a 13 year old who has been home 7 years and she cannot stand or sit still. She always rocks.

Asher has never rocked. Instead he destroys his blankets or sheets by twisting them. Some nights he sneaks out of bed to get something else to twist around his hands to comfort himself. It's another version of the dangling that he does.

And now there is B. In general he has more institutional behaviors than both Axel and Asher combined. He twiddles his lower lip, he makes noises that I didn't know a human could make, and he rocks. Weather awake or asleep it doesn't matter, if there is a moment to sit still he rocks, while holding his breath and letting it out in a "raspberry" while at the same time humming. He grinds his teeth constantly. (which could be due to pain because his mouth is full of rotten teeth) He dangles his block. He taps every person he walks past. (not in a friendly way!)

But of all B has brought with him, the saddest thing is the damage done from his life in the institution.  The first night B slept at the apartment with us took quite awhile to get him to sleep. I let him rock or do whatever he needed to calm himself. Finally he cleared all the blankets off his bed so the space was clear. He laid down on the bed and started a type of rocking I have never seen before. Since then we've discovered he does this for several HOURS out of every night. Last night he did it for three hours straight. I know he has sleep apnea because he snores terribly, but the rest is just how orphans learn to comfort themselves when nobody will come for them. This breaks my heart to watch.

Three hours. Without stopping. This. This is the damage done by spending 10 years in an institution.

Seriously?

Here's how it's *supposed* to go, and it's how it went for both Axel and Asher's adoptions:

Day 1) get signature
Day 2) Travel to birth city for adoption ceremony, get new birth certificate and certificate of citizenship.
Day 3) Pick up passport in Belgrade, pick up translated adoption documents, get medical appointment done, get VISA photos taken, have first Visa appointment with US Embassy.
Day 4) Pick up Visa
Day 5) Fly home (in this case it would be Saturday.)

But of course, this can't go the way it's *supposed* to go. I'm not allowed 3 easy adoptions in a row. Here's how B's adoption will work, and why it will be tiiiiiiiiiiiight.

Tuesday (today) get signature

Weds: Travel to Sid (pronounced Sheed) for adoption ceremony. Notice I did not say "travel to birth city? Why yes, that would be because the officials from Sid kind of forgot to inform us that while the birth parents were residents of Sid, B was born HERE in Belgrade!!!! So, adoption ceremony, only, in Sid. Then return to Belgrade to order new birth certificate and certificate of citizenship.

Thurs: RETURN to Sid to order passport. Now, because Sid has never completed an adoption, that means the police department has never ordered a new passport for an adoption child. This could be a MAJOR problem as far as timing is concerned.

Friday: BEST CASE SCENARIO pick up the passport in Belgrade at 1:00. Pick up translated adoption documents, get medical appointment done, visa photos done, first Visa appointment with US Embassy.

Monday: Pick up the visa.

Tuesday: FLY HOME!!!!!

Now, everything must happen exactly according to this schedule!!! If we don't pick up the visa on Monday ONE of us will fly home on Tuesday, and it won't be me or B! On Friday we will know which is going to happen. The police station in Sid has been notified that we'll be there on Thursday and they are clueless. It should be fun. Oh, and lets add in the fact the Embassy staff are moving into the new embassy and their hours are sporadic!!!

IT IS SIGNED!!!!!!

We have a signature!!! Our adoption will be final at 10:00 tomorrow morning in Sid, Serbia!!!