Removal

Yep, I just had a blog post up, and I removed it. I can do that. But this post is about another type of removal.

 I have been part of a certain adoption community for the past couple of years. In the process of our adoption, and since bringing Axel home I have gleaned much information from the group. Since bringing him home, the support I've received by reading within that group has been immeasurable.  A couple days ago I was removed from a community. No explanation was given for my removal, nor emails returned.  I have not done or said anything to anyone within the group that would warrant such action.

What I DID do, was I DID bring to light, without pointing fingers or naming names, some things that were happening during our adoption process, and after I did, other families came forward to say the same thing had happened to them, I was just the first one to speak up about it. If people don't speak up when they run into a problem, it perpetuates it, and causes the families coming behind them to deal with the same issues or sometimes even worse.

Speaking your opinion in some communities is bad. Being a whistleblower is even worse.  Emails were sent out to all the families who previously adopted from the same country we did, which were forwarded to me by several of those people. People were warned to stay away from me. That I am a liar and only telling 1/2 truths. The only truth left for me to post would be actual names and dates and dollar amounts that we were asked for above and beyond what was agreed upon in our adoption. I would be more than happy to post those things, but they would only jeopardize the adoptions that other families are hoping to complete in the next couple of months. And really, posting those details would only add to the "he said/she said" junk that is going on. I won't be pulled into that game any further.

I was even blamed, and told that if something happened to the adoption program in that country, it would be on my shoulders. Wow...if one single person holds that much power, it's a pretty weak program to begin with. But wait...one person DID hold that much power, and put fear into the hearts of parents, including myself, who were doing nothing more than trying to get their children home. Because I and others did speak up, there were changes made so the families who are coming behind me won't be running into the same problems I and other families faced. Because a light has been shined on them, some people are now watching their steps a bit closer and being held slightly more accountable.

It is my personal opinion that if a person or organization only has one or two contacts within a country, the information they receive is going to be severely slanted. It's never good to have only one option. I was lucky. Just days before I left to get Axel,  God put me in contact with an entire pool of other people, and I have since met several more. When one person doesn't know the answer to a question, I have others I can go to. Best of all, there is no longer a gatekeeper to deal with. I can get my information directly from the source and not have to worry weather or not what I'm being told is the truth.

I am so over it. I'm tired of sitting behind the scenes, watching the stuff that is talked about behind the backs of families. Personal information that is shared by "professionals" to others who have no business having the information, totally disrespecting any form of privacy to those families. Weather those families were/are in the wrong or not, privacy still needs to be respected. And when other families were discussed in the way they were, it leaves no doubt in my mind how my family has been discussed with others.

Although we have lost much of our support system, we have something better. We have truth.