July 5th

There are only 26 days left in July.

Really, I'm not trying to rush July along. I want summer to stick around as much as anyone else. But the number of days is significant, because "sometime in July" a decision will be made which will permanently decide Ianna's fate.

I have one foot that feels as if it has secure footing in faith. It's not slippery. There is no gravel or anything else to jeopardize my footing.  I even have something for my hand to hold onto...the hand of Christ. That side of my body, and my brain, knows that Ianna will be fine and will eventually make her way home to us.

The other side of me is flailing all over the place! There is NOTHING to put my foot on, it's just out there in the air, trying to get where my other foot is. My arm is doing that whole windmill thing, trying to keep me balanced, but not really doing a very good job of it. There are handholds that I can't seem to get hold of over there.

And all the while, my stomach churns. I know that God did not bring me to the other side of the world to meet this child just to raise our awareness of her cause and others like her. That would seem like a cruel joke, and yet, I know other adoptive parents who've had just that happen to them. Will that be us?

Why is it that side of my body can't grasp faith like the other side of me? Is it just the human side of me that will forever have doubt, knowing that sometimes "things happen"?

26 days of waiting, which could really be 5...or 2...or 18...but will ultimately decide the fate of one little girl on the other side of the world.