Let me tell you a little secret...

Let me tell you a little secret about myself. Shhh...come closer. Really close so I can whisper it in your ear.

shhhhhhhhhhhh

Most people will tell you that I am usually a calm, cool, mostly collected person. It takes a lot to rattle my cage, and even when I does get rattled, I can shake it off in a few minutes. I am not a "high anxiety" person at all. My whole family is this way, and Dean is this way too. We're just laid back people in general. So what's the secret?


I AM FREAKING OUT! 

There is too much to think about! Here is a general list of what goes through my head when I try to close my eyes at night. In no particular order:

How will we get all this stuff done in so little time?
How will I get all these forms filled out and which needs to get in the mail tomorrow?
Which grants should we be applying for?
Will we qualify for any grants?
Do we have time to get the room painted?
Don't forget to pay the bills!
Oh, we have to buy clothes for Axel! He comes to us naked! We have to bring them along!
What size does he wear?
I don't remember how big he is, I should have paid attention to that.
Don't forget to bring boots and and a coat/hat/mittens for him, the babushkas will yell at us if he's not dressed warm enough.
Toys for Axel, things to do on the plane.
What does Axel like?
How will we raise the rest of the money?
Who will stay with the dogs?
Who will take Angela?
Maybe I should take out a short term loan just in case I get stuck from another volcano? It DOES happen!
How will Axel and I do alone together when Dean goes home?
What if Axel doesn't like us?
What if we're too boring?
What if Axel and Angela hate each other?
OMG WHAT IF ZURRI COMES IN HEAT WHILE WE'RE GONE?
I should bring pull-ups along, so we don't have "problems" on the plane. That would be bad!
What if he gets airsick? That would be WORSE!
I need to get my ear tubes checked to make sure they're still in place, cuz that would be HORRIBLE if they're not!

And this, my friends, is why I have not slept all week long! This is called "nesting". The only difference is there is no baby sucking the physical energy from me to cause me to sleep. Instead the brain tries to drain the energy, which causes me to stay awake. UGH!