Today I went looking for them.
Looking for the children I first met three years ago. Children who climbed all over me, fighting for my attention, for hugs, for my touch. They smiled. Despite their circumstances they were happy because they knew no different. Full of life, all of them.
Today I went looking for them.
They are gone.
Their bodies are there, skeleton thin. The eyes I remember are still there. But the children...their spirits...are gone. They have given up on the world and are now disconnected from it. From us. From me. Their eyes have gone vacant. They look at me without seeing me, instead seeing something in the world they have created for themselves in their mind. A place better than the hell in which they live.
Today I went looking for them.
Today I can stop wondering.
I don't need to look anymore.
Looking for the children I first met three years ago. Children who climbed all over me, fighting for my attention, for hugs, for my touch. They smiled. Despite their circumstances they were happy because they knew no different. Full of life, all of them.
Today I went looking for them.
They are gone.
Their bodies are there, skeleton thin. The eyes I remember are still there. But the children...their spirits...are gone. They have given up on the world and are now disconnected from it. From us. From me. Their eyes have gone vacant. They look at me without seeing me, instead seeing something in the world they have created for themselves in their mind. A place better than the hell in which they live.
Today I went looking for them.
Today I can stop wondering.
I don't need to look anymore.
They are beautiful and worthwhile. Every. Single. One.
ReplyDeleteOh, Leah, this shattered me. Please know that you may never realize this side of heaven what a difference you have made and how bright a light you have been. Right now, halfway across the world, our family prays every single day that the Lord will open the doors for us to adopt from Serbia . . . and we wouldn't have even known if it weren't for you. Every day we pray for these children and every day we pray for ways to support those bringing them home - because of what you've done. I can not imagine the pain of being there and seeing these awful changes but you must know that because of you there have been and will be SO MANY good and wonderful changes as well.
ReplyDeleteOh how my heart hurts to hear this news. Happy to know that they are still alive but saddened for their conditions. The smiling face of the little one at 2:08 still hangs on my wall with prayers that she too will be chosen soon. How I wish I could see her :(
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